Determination

I have been still working on taking control of the things I can actually control and its working out let me tell u. Money has been sooo tight(or should I say nonexistent) since my interview in TX last month. I was already low on funds before the trip and I didn't expect to have to wait so long on my trip reimbursement. I feel like I'm constantly paying catch up with bills...but soon enough those days will be over bc I got landed a job. I'm very very excited and I finally feel that my dedication and determination are paying off.

Hair Determination Update(updates in purple):

1. Very short edges which I know can be caused by a lot since their so fragile. I hardly pull on my edges when making ponytails, braiding, or twisting. Plus I don't use brushes bc I hate how they feel scraping on my edges. I have been not worn any tight ponys and have been avoiding unnecessary strain(tight twisting/braiding, tying potentially hair scarves around my head). I haven't noticed any difference yet.
   
2. My two strand twists always frizz A LOT on the 3 or 4 day of wear. I tend to do small twists to extend the style. The frizz is always on the crown of my head which is also my area with the loosest texture(3c or less). I used to use shea butter only when twisting...then tried almond oil and coconut oil...now I use a mix of all three. I use a hair moisturizer spritz that contains water which maybe part of the problem. I have began to use a very small amount of my cream nightly, putting my hair in braids, coating my ends with a little additional cream, and wearing a silk scarf every night. I have noticed improved.
   
3. I wear protective styles more than 98% of the time. However, I usually wear them down or in a ponytail with the ends tucked in awkwardly. My ends are retched and I have split ends up the wazoo. I have been braiding my according to how I plan to style my hair the next day. For example, if I plan to wear a high bun I braid in a upward position. This really saves me some time styling in the morning.
4. I forgot to add the fact that my hair has been itching like crazy for a month now!!! I use my cream daily and my hair feels very soft, but the itch continues. I've clarified with ACV to try to give my moisturizing a fresh start...i didn't help one bit.
   
   Yesterday, I prepooed with castor and grapeseed oil. I tried not to shampoo my hair like crazy and instead applied my castile soap mix a couple times. I added castor oil to a Ion conditioner pack I grabbed from Sally's for my dc. I let my hair dry and twisted it with the Madame Walker cream again. Will see how this week goes.
   

Happy Sunday

Hi guys,

I had my mind made up that I was going to make it to church this morning...FAIL. I stayed up to after 4am talking to my close friend and didn't wake up until after 11 this morning.

Lately, I have been extremely stressed with my financial issues. I'm prayin that I will make it through this trial very soon. I'm truly tryin my best.

I don't kno about u but I'm always drawin a blank when it comes to my next style. I kno it will be a protective style...I usually always style true to that. But other than Idk. Two weeks ago I randomly decided I would install yarn braids. I was inspired by yet another one of Black Onyx's tutorials style videos...check them out



I bought the products and started one braid....then I got lazy and didn't go through with it. I ended up doin my usual front braid back two strand twist style and I didn't like it one bit for some reason. I ended up retwisting the front a week ago. I did I twist out last night and I'm ready to wash it out already. So I'm definitely washing my hair tonight, but I don't know what I'm doin to my hair. Ugh its so frustrating. Well guys gotta go figure out what I'm doing to it.

One day at a time

My engine light finally went off Monday morning as I was leaving my honey's house(yea I know I prolly shouldn't be driving on the highway with my headache of a car). I helped a student Monday night when I could have been studying myself. Hopefully my kindness will pay off. I hopped in my car so I wouldn't be late for my second job and the fuel light pops on. I'm paranoid as all get out even tho normal cars last a good 20 mi after the light comes on mine doesn't. I drive all the way to work and stop at the closest gas station near my job and reach for my purse....hmm not there. I managed to drive all the way back to school to look for my purse...not there. Then all the way back to my house....yea found my purse. Drove down the street to the gas station and put in a meesly $10 praying it would last to pay day. Made it to work 30 min late.

As some as you know I had two schedule internship interviews this week. I had no clue how to wear my hair and I have no time to put in the style I want. I rocked a slick back pony that didn't slick back lol and a suit(so called sz 6) that belongs to my sissy(I'll remind you I now wear a nine...I didn't think that plan thru obviously). The interview#1 went well and I hope to hear good things from the company.

My engine light came back on yesterday. My body is starting to get worn out and I have no time to relax. I have a speech that I haven't prepared to give tomorrow and interview#2. I went on campus to study yesterday after work(10:30ish pm) even tho I was so tired. I attempted to work on one of my labs, but I was completely lost. Made it home about 2 and fixed my lunch for today.

Woke up this morning to my puppy running around the room playing loudly....I think she was up all night. Made time to eat cereal, yogurt, water and vitamins. I admit I feel more energized than usual. Even took some pics My prof just pushed back my exam next week since I have no clue what's going on. My group has a lab due tomorrow and I only have access to one building with computers with the proper software...the computers are used to about 5 for classes and the lab closes at 11 ugh.
Geez its only Wednesday!!

Ugh stress is back in full attack

I know that personally I can not handle large amounts of stress well when I am in school. I can not control my financial issues in the way that I'd like since I go to school full time and I work a low paying job, so I have grab the rest of my stressors by the reins. For this reason, the past couple of semesters I made a creed to myself I would not partake in any drama and it worked. This prolly worked mainly becuz one semester I was dating someone that acted like I was her number 1 priority the majority of the time. The next semester I chose to seclude myself from anything serious and knocked all distractions to the side.

This semester I can only pray that I can manage the stress. Money issues are getting better Thank God, but the drama is here. My boyfriend is not helping at allll. I love him to death, and I honestly believe that we will work out. He is sooo difficult yet so simple. My biggest irritation with him is he acts as if he is a mute sometimes. I will ask him straight out "answer me yes or no" and he will just sit there. I hope you can imagine how irritating this is. I first debated if I would talk about this on here, but heck y not. There is about a 2% chance of him reading this blog. I always find myself waiting for his next move and I know he's secretly loving every moment of it. I know that most ppl would tell me to break up with him I can do better, but its really not that easy. I truly love this man and I know he can really make me happy. I almost think this relationship is banking on the fact if I can bare long enough for him to grow the hell up.

It's School Time Again

In 2004, I would have thought I would have graduated from undergrad by now, but unfortunately I haven't. The fact that I've been in school for almost 6 years and others were able to graduate in under 4 makes me a tad bit jealous I admit. I was trying to make sure I don't overload myself by taking more than 15 credit hours a semester, but now I'm saying what the heck. I'm trying to get out of school and don't ever wanna go back(I know that I'll eventually go to grad school if I can't help it). I already know this semester is going to be crazy..I'm taking 18 hours and working two jobs. Well a sista has to do what she has to do. Imma keep my faith strong and stay focused studying and I know I will make it through.

Slightly a change of mind

So, I prolly won't entirely eliminate natural hair sites and blogs from my life. Despite the awful distaste that they put in my mouth this week, I find it extremely helpful(when it comes to talking about have healthy nappy(reminder I absolutely hate that word and am using it to be sarcastic) hair). Although, I plan to slow down my visits and posts I will stay and I plan to post a thread on on both Nappturality and BlackHairMedia. Honestly, lashing out at innocent ppl is not every called for and I'm always up for helping create a meaningful eyeopener. I don't like drama in my own personal life, so y on earth would I stand for it when I visit hair sites with ppl I don't even kno.

For years, I've heard of some many women electing India Arie's "I am not my hair" as their anthem and I've always disagreed. When I decided to become natural it became my life. It was such a wonderful experience so to me it was an honor to say "My hair represents who I am." I am a young, independent, petite, dark skinned, tenderhearted woman. I am unique and I feel that the hair that God decided to grow out of my hair fits me perfectly. Despite, how true this has been for me I guess I really am not my hair...I am sooo much more.

My best friend, Tania(I hope she reads this lol) is always encouraging me and giving me great advice. She has been an open educational source all the way through my transition up til now and she is not 100% natural. We can be positive and supportive to other woman of color no matter what they decide to do to their hair. As mentioned so many woman use natural hair sites for guidance because may not have a Tania :) or don't know how to take care of their hair so I won't discourage them from visiting the sites that I named before. For the same reason, we really need a open hair(that caters to natural individuals) site in which woman will not pounce on someone for choosing a kiddy perm, because they didn't have the time to detangle their hair for 5 hours every two weeks. I know in the recent years there have been a number of sites going up but I wish they would reach all over the world.

I'm so through

I have always been extremely open minded person and I understand that everyone can't be that way but damn. I posted a topic on Nappturality that in which I wanted to know who thought any one could be natural. Some how one of the chicks turn six freaking words that didn't even need to be taken seriously "she prolly never should have considered perming" into something else. Basically, she was accusing me of being ignorant which I am far from. Obviously, her and so many others have nothing better to do than be Natural Nazis. I'm am truly considering stoping all nappturality, blackhairmedia, and hair blog viewing.