Monday, December 7, 2009

Become a better u

This post is dedicated to a very special person in my life. I love her to death, but I'm really starting to believe that she doesn't see her own beauty. Yes, some say beauty is only skin deep but I believe it starts within and shows throughout. We have to learn every part of us is beautiful from our hair to the soles of our feet. Lately, she's been trying to convince me(and obviously herself) that her issues aren't as deep as I'm making them seem. Let me give you a little background on her.

She decided one day probably over a year ago that she wanted to get over the creamy crack addiction. She saw how successful my hair journey is coming and also how damaging relaxers can be on our hair. She mainly used protective styles during her first period of transitioning.

After many talks with me and also my friend she finally BC'd because she realized the relaxed ends weren't helping her at all. Then the heavy door of reality hit her in the face. Her natural hair wasn't what she hoped it to be. Her complaint is that she doesn't see her curl pattern and her hair is short. I've tried to explain to her that she has to get over it...yea I'm guilty of tough love.

I've push her toward natural sites and videos but it doesn't look like she's making any progress. Mentally, this woman is still in transition. It's been over two months and she has never worn her hair out around her church family and friends. She's been hiding it with a wig. This is a woman who never wore a wig in her life until she stopped getting relaxers. She hasn't played with her hair much but has toyed with twist-outs and braid-outs. In her opinion they are not "cute." Her husband is pretty cool until we get to the subject of hair. He is not supportive of it at all and she's is letting him believe that his lack of support isn't a big deal. HELLO ugh this woman is lying to herself. It's obvious that her feelings are hurt despite if she wishes to admit it or not.

I do understand that natural may not be for everyone but u can't convince me that this journey is not a life changer. It has made me blossom in soo many ways and I'm truly a different person now. I have become more patient, loving, understanding just to name a few. Help me help her.


Tania Laura said...

This is truly a tough one. Because you have provided her with resources, unlike other women who started their journeys and really had no one or nothing to help them. So you are right, her mind is still in transition...I think what you've been doing will help though, even if you aren't seeing the results right now.

In terms of a curl pattern, that's impossible. Only straight hair has no curl definition. Is she possibly thinking that her hair is TOO curly? As in, her hair is coiled to the point that there are no distinct patterns that you might see in wavy and spiral hair textures? So, perhaps she needs the right products for her hair type. I think right now finding sites or vids that have short haired women rocking different styles may be helpful (and from what you're saying, I'm doubtful that she's taking care of her hair like she should) .

This is a hard one b/c usually after one gets over the shock of cutting all one's hair off there's a feeling of liberation! Maybe reminding her that she's sitting on gold right now might influence her mind set.
1. She doesn't have to worry about styling she can put some curling creme and go!
2. She can co-wash every day and not worry about messing up a style
3. She can wear colorful headbands and rock a twa
4. If she does do a twist out or braid out she can bobby pin it back on one side have it curly bang, wear a headband etc.
5. Accessorizing becomes fun with short hair cuz it brings out your face so much more. So things like earrings, headbands, hair clips, etc. and makeup can really create a look that only SHE can achieve and that will make it all the more special.

So far, you're doing right by her, she just has to come into herself in her own time.

KurlyQue said...

Thanks so much Tania. Yea I know she has a curl pattern, but she doesn't lol. Her curls are pretty tight and I think she's coming to terms with the issue that we come across everyday. In (lets call them) "less informed" minds they believe tight coils = nappy hair = bad. So I think she is trying twist outs hoping that the style will make her curls seem looser and longer which isn't happening so she results back to the wig.

Great comment thanks