Become a better u

This post is dedicated to a very special person in my life. I love her to death, but I'm really starting to believe that she doesn't see her own beauty. Yes, some say beauty is only skin deep but I believe it starts within and shows throughout. We have to learn every part of us is beautiful from our hair to the soles of our feet. Lately, she's been trying to convince me(and obviously herself) that her issues aren't as deep as I'm making them seem. Let me give you a little background on her.

She decided one day probably over a year ago that she wanted to get over the creamy crack addiction. She saw how successful my hair journey is coming and also how damaging relaxers can be on our hair. She mainly used protective styles during her first period of transitioning.

After many talks with me and also my friend she finally BC'd because she realized the relaxed ends weren't helping her at all. Then the heavy door of reality hit her in the face. Her natural hair wasn't what she hoped it to be. Her complaint is that she doesn't see her curl pattern and her hair is short. I've tried to explain to her that she has to get over it...yea I'm guilty of tough love.

I've push her toward natural sites and videos but it doesn't look like she's making any progress. Mentally, this woman is still in transition. It's been over two months and she has never worn her hair out around her church family and friends. She's been hiding it with a wig. This is a woman who never wore a wig in her life until she stopped getting relaxers. She hasn't played with her hair much but has toyed with twist-outs and braid-outs. In her opinion they are not "cute." Her husband is pretty cool until we get to the subject of hair. He is not supportive of it at all and she's is letting him believe that his lack of support isn't a big deal. HELLO ugh this woman is lying to herself. It's obvious that her feelings are hurt despite if she wishes to admit it or not.

I do understand that natural may not be for everyone but u can't convince me that this journey is not a life changer. It has made me blossom in soo many ways and I'm truly a different person now. I have become more patient, loving, understanding just to name a few. Help me help her.

Do you see what I see?

I'm writing this post out of concern for two ladies in my life. I don't want to put them on blast so I won't mention how I know them. Both of these women have extremely damaged hair. Damaged to the point where they prolly need to cut their hair down to about 2 inches of hair.

Situation 1: One of these ladies is transitioning. I'll call her Nu Hair becuz she has faithfully been rocking a wig during her transition lol. Anyways, this wknd I walked in her house and her hair was all over her head. Immediately, I saw that she had extreme extreme breakage that started from her hairline and reached about 3 inches back. The rest of her hair looks very sparse and seems like she's been loosing hair on a daily basis. She has been transitioning for about 7 months so she has about 2 inches of unrelaxed hair. I was really alarmed and asked what happened to her hair. I think it is a mixture of reasons. 1) Like many women, she does not take care of her hair. 2) Stress is a huge factor in her life at the moment. I asked her what was she going to do with her hair. She told me that she wants to get it flat ironed for her wedding anniversary. WHAT!!! Ur kidding me, right?

Situation 2: The second lady is about 21 years old and has hated getting her ends clipped all of her life. I will call her ponytail becuz she wears her hair in a ponytail about 97% of the time. I have been on her back about her hair, but she refused to get her ends clipped. Also, this girl is famous for going with an relaxer for at least 4 months at a time. See some women can do this..that is if they take care of their hair. She lacks knowledge about hair to the point that she didn't know that after your hair is "healthy" there is still a need to clip/dust your ends. So, I also saw this woman's hair this wknd. The middle of her hair is completely missing hair...like Nu Hair only her unrelaxed hair remains. She is considering waiting another year before thinking about relaxing(thumbs up). She asked me at least five times "how much of my hair will I need to get cut off" The thought in my mind was "Um hello, ur missing hair sweetie. U prolly will need to let all go."

Come one ladies. Can't you see that ur hair is trying to tell you something. I was talking to Tania and she made a comment that when some women look at their hair they must not really see what's there. IA 110%. It's like their too busy imagining what they want their hair to look like they can't open their eyes to see what's in the mirror.

I really feel for these ladies. Both of their partners are not supportive of the fact that they need to rock a twa or braids for a few months. One even commented "a lot of ladies can rock short hair but not my lady" How rude. These women have no support and are terrified of cutting their hair. And we all know that their are countless women out there with the same problem.

It feels so good

I hope you had the opportunity to feel the great pleasure in ur heart when u've heard that you've encouraged someone. This doesn't pertain only to natural hair but all things we experience in life. As I was told when I was younger "someone is always watching u" and its so true. Unfortunately, ppl also are watching us when we're doing things negatively as well, but thats another story.

Recently, I got a DM(direct message) on Twitter from a college friend of mine. She stressed how much she want to get rid of her perm. Over this past year plus some, I can't remember the last time she had worn her on hair out. She didn't wasn't addicted to LF or anything so I knew something deeper was going on. She had a mishap last summer when taking out the tracks from her last hair style. A chunk of hair was stuck to the track and would not come out. She was rocking her wig to hid the damage I believe. Anyways, to make a long story short. Tuesday night she sent me a pic. She BC'd yall!! I'm so happy for her. She told me that its becuz of me that she first started thinking about going natural. I'm estatic.

Also, my mom and sister are still transitioning. I'm going to continue holding their hands all the way through. Its such a great feeling.

Recap

I haven't blogged in quite a long time. I thought it was time to try something new since my life has changed so drastically. Well this blog will be mostly about me and my college life living with natural hair.

So, let's recap on the months before my BC(big chop). I haven't had a relaxer since sometime in December. I have always been an individual who has never been afraid to be different. I have always been interested in getting rid of my relaxer but I was so tied to "normal" tradition. Even though I didn't get a relaxer until middle school it feels like my hair has always been straight and manageable(I felt like my hair had always been relaxed). I was just confused. Honestly, I was scared. I was scared about what ppl would think. I was scared that I would have nappy hair. I was scared that natural hair wasn't for everyone. Now when I think about that that was a bunch of bs. Anyways one day I had a convo with a close friend and she told me that she was letting her perm out. I decided then...hey I'll do it too. Let me mention, we didn't have this conversation until at least April of this year. Did you notice those months don't add up....I didn't have a perm since Dec 07 and I didn't decide to quite perms til April 08. Truthfully, I was trying to see how long I could last with out relaxer since I didn't want one anyway. I know this all sounds confusing. I was really going through a deep thinking process. I had been transitioned many months...transitioning mostly my mind.

Transitioning:

Dec to Feb
I went to the stylist every two weeks for a wash and flat iron

Feb to April
I wore nubians twist for a protective style

April
I began cutting off the perm but only little by little

May
I wore a weave corn rows and pony tails

June to July
I wore a sew-in that I absolutely hated. I will never do it again.

July 16
BC!!!!! My hair was around 3 1/2 after cut.


I will post pics